Second Amendment Remedies Remedy

How many times have you said that you are sick and tired of getting shot in movie theaters? Sometimes you die, sometimes you bleed, sometimes you run. In many cases the film you wanted to see doesn’t even finish showing! Now you can take any amount of bullets and never miss a scene with the handy Wonco Bullet-Away CineShield! You just put it on when you get to your seat and you’ll be able to see any movie you want — all the way to the end! AK-47’s no problem. M-16’s, never a bother. Glock? Take a walk. High caliber double barrel shotgun? What fun! Put it on and it’s “Hit me me with your best show – fire away!” Available at FallMart, CrawlMart, BrawlMart, ShawlMart, ScrawlMart, DollMart and other fine stores!

President Obama’s Coattails

When Barack Obama was on the ballot, his coattails were longer than Ronald Reagan’s, and when he wasn’t on the ballot, polling places looked like the movie “Omega Man.” Nobody there! When B.O. was on the ballot, I stood in lines to vote. When he wasn’t, I had a choice of 15 stalls to mark my ballot in. Republicans trounced whenever he wasn’t running. He took on healthcare ONLY because that first of four Congresses he would have was THE ONE that could pass Affordable Healthcare, and America would never give him such a Congress again. So he had to get a little tough with union-backed far left organizations pushing against his compromises. I can hear him yelling in a room, “I’m not letting them fuck this up again!”

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